Pizza is, objectively, the greatest food ever invented. It's portable, filling, easy to make in large portions, and (arguably) has some nutritional value as well. The patron saint of children's parties and companion to college students everywhere, pizza is beloved at all times of day. You can eat it hot, cold or--in the case of microwave pizza--as molten lava applied directly to the tongue. Perhaps the greatest part about pizza is the variety and ingenuity that have been applied to it over the years. There are twelve main styles of pizza in the United States, according to the pizza Wiki, and there's a lot of overlap within those styles. Today, we're going to teach you how to make three main types of pizza: New York, Chicago, and Neapolitan. Between these three, there's enough variety to ensure you'll never get sick of eating pizza pies (as if that were even remotely possible).

New York Style

People don't sit down in New York. They're either too busy or too afraid of the benches and seats on the subway. It's much safer to just stay standing. But even those who don't sit still have to eat from time to time. New York style pizza is designed for just a person. They come in huge slices that are thin enough to be folded in half and eaten like a sandwich; one hand holding your slice, the other hailing a cab or waving obscenities at the tourists. Now for making the pizza: Stretch the dough thin and circular, with the outside of the circle just a bit thicker to form your crust. Go light on the sauce. Ideally, just crush some tomatoes and season. For the cheese, go with a medium moisture mozzarella and sprinkle on some oregano and parmesan. Bake at 500ºF for around 9 minutes until your crust is golden brown and crispy.

Chicago Style Deep Dish

Where other pizza makers hide the sauce inside the pizza, Chicagoans put it right on top showing off the quality of the deep red tomatoes. This isn't a pizza to eat on the run. In fact, proper etiquette says you eat this one sitting down with a fork and knife. Here's how it's made: First you need to butter your crust. Sounds weird, but that's what makes it so flaky and delicious. Once both sides are buttered, load it into the deep dish. Then put a liberal layer of your cheese down, then pile the sauce on top of that. This one needs a bit of time in the oven to cook. 25 minutes at 425ºF and it should start to look done.

Neapolitan Style

The closest we have to the original flatbreads that came out of Naples is the neapolitan pizza. You can make it Marinara style (no cheese) or Margherita style (light cheese). To make these babies, you're going to want a nice thin crust (Remember, these were originally just baked, crisp flatbreads). Instead of sauce, this one will have olive oil and tomato chunks or no tomatoes at all. The highlight here are all the herbs and spices you can add; basil, oregano and garlic all tossed in extra virgin olive oil are what give it it's signature flavor.